I used to wish

I used to wish that I could make blood run from my eyes so she would know how much it hurt I learned to bleed from the inside instead everytime she would hurt me, I would make another mark I would carve out another piece, until there is nothing left and I was free. and now I have the journals… Read more →

note to self

BQ, if you ever decide to wear some kind of word across your ass, say on your shorts or sweat pants (I sincerely hope you never do this) make sure you do not lose some of the letters up your butt like what was happening to some guy at the gym today. or if you know your butt can not… Read more →

dreams

we had a little girl It may have been ours or just his from before there was something wrong with her we took her to a doctor and and he said she was severely alienated. That she would have to go back inside for a while back in the womb. She hadn't been ready to come out yet. I worried,… Read more →

bathing in ashes

Scattered all over the busy terminal They have unpacked me now I am being scolded for having too many shoes and an overly ambitions assortment of books I had been impossibly overstuffed Now strangers are looking at my personal items and I know they will never fit back in again Read more →

Glitter & Lipstick

That what she told me to do To help with the sadness. Everytime I look at the bottle I can Hear her voice, drawing out every special Sound of the word gli-TT-Teeeer. It makes me smile, so I guess you could Say it is working. I am concocting my own special Exorcism, to include, but not to be limited to… Read more →

Now

I have decided to get better, to talk to people again to take a shower and change out of my pajamas so much for hitting the groung running, I just hit the ground. I will run again then I will rock directly Read more →

Silence is huge

All of the sudden I noticed that the sound track had stopped I didn’t know how long it had been, couldn’t recall the last song. Now, I have space to regret. Everything so strange. Unfolding slowly like an accident And when it stops All I can see is the hush And the glass, spread out on the Road sparkling Intense… Read more →

I will go

They shouted at me from the water that I was too small. It had all been decided, it was a fact. The bigger kids knew it and I wasn’t sure just exactly how. So I watched. I mostly watched her, The woman with the long blond hair And the bikini, the long legs and the very flat belly. The next… Read more →

In the complex where I go to my gym

I am walking right behind her, Sizing her up Her extra low cut sweat pants Her extra short and tight halter top The exposed upper ass tattoo I think “THAT is trying WAY too hard” and then I catch a glimpse of my-self in the glass no make-up, hair a mess “THAT is NOT trying at all” I don’t know… Read more →

self abuse

“It's difficult to get self-abuse victims to stop blaming themselves for what's happened,” Hattchett said. “They think it's their fault, because they're too weak to resist. And, despite everything that has happened, they often maintain strong feelings for their abusers. I've seen it happen time and time again.” http://theonion.com/4004/news1.html Read more →

new quiz

EXOTIC FOREIGNER ALIAS = Favorite Spice + Last Foreign Vacation Spot Chipotle paris SOCIALITE ALIAS = Silliest Childhood Nickname + Town Where You First Partied Hootenanny Portland “FLY GUY” ALIAS (a la J. Lo) = First Initial + First Two or Three Letters of your Last Name J. Ha DIVA ALIAS = Something Sweet Within Sight + Any Liquid in… Read more →

For My Mom

When I die, I want your hands on my eyes: I want the light and the wheat of your beloved hands to pass their freshness over me once more: I want to feel the softness that changed my destiny. I want you to live while I wait for you, asleep. I want your ears still to hear the wind, I… Read more →

some sort of healing took place

I got a massage, but it was really a healing and Energy treatment After wards she walked me to the wall of light it was infinite and bright bright golden lemon yellow she said, go to the light and suddenly I felt this enormous magnetism pulling me towards it, and I knew that something fundamental had changed in me. Afterwards,… Read more →

why I love him so…

I got this fancy feng shui book and start reading a passage to him… all about how important it is to make the bed first thing in the morning , how it tidies the whole room, and starts the day right I look at him all self-satisfied and he smiles at me and says “no shit” Read more →