ok, a few things.

one of the effects of being inspired by this art lecture was that I felt that I did not have enough inspiration in my life, so I started making a list of all the people in my life that inspired me. It became clear that there were different sorts of inspirational , creative, intellectual, spiritual… , then I started thinking of all the other qualities that were important to me and ended up with a huge chart rating people for inspiration but also..
fun, domesticity, intimacy, loyalty, trust, honesty, respect……..
a funny thing that I found was that the people who are the most fun I trust the least.
I think that this is because what makes them fun is there intensity, when they are around they are full on, but when they are not they are off being intense and fun somewhere else and are completely unavailable for the minutia of day to day living….
what I also realized is that I have incredible people in my life that inspire me in many ways and yet there are certain kinds that I am not getting. I will head towards that now.

The second thing, which is not a direct effect, but seems to have some sort of loose correlation.
A girl-friend from New York has been staying with me. We realized after a while that spending time together we had been regressing/progressing to a high school state. Spending time gleefully talking
about , boys, clothes, make-up,our asses, and what we wanted to do when we grew up. we get very excited about out weekend plans. Going roller skating and doing karoke. We finally realized that we had
both missed crucial elements of high school. This is high school without the deep-self hatred and ennui. This is the high school were I not on drugs and I don't hate my mother, and I have the ninja skills to deal with mean girls, and I am not in danger of seriously harming myself.
rehigh school has been a very corrective experience we are going to celebrate the end of it
with a graduation party in a few weeks. I think we will make yearbooks.

that is all for now

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