The other night I lay in a saltwater pool in the dessert. The wind was hot and the sky was clear. I lost count of the stars somewhere after one-hundred. Earlier I had been playing “bug-watch” and had rescued many bugs from the water including a beetle that kept hurling itself back in. I had also got out and ran bare foot across the grass into the dark and saw the bunnies scatter. It reminded me of how I would often miss the bus for school because I couldn't stop chasing bunnies in our yard. I was compulsive that way, ” just one more chance… I will get that bunny”. The bunnies would take me farther and farther from home. It may have been a trick, leading me to their lair where they would either slaughter me and dress their barbies in my skin, or fawn all over me, petting me, talking some sort of baby bunny talk to me and trying to keep me as their pet. I think there is some sort of drug now for children with this problem.
I was floating in a sleepy half dreamy state, bats and fire-flies, and I began to fall asleep, part of me knew that this was stupid, that I might drown, but another part reminded me that I have been sleeping in the bath for years and this was the obvious progression, so I drifted off…
I saw myself from above everything side lit and blue I was in the middle and coming apart, so many pieces all floating away from me. I have come undone.