I knew it was bad when I saw all the guns around, by
then I was used to the drugs.

They were coming in and we wanted out.
We hurried to one of the back rooms,
I locked the door but I knew it would not hold.

He had grabbed a gun that neither of us knew how to use.
I had been there before and pointed to the window, it would
lead us to the fire escape and to the roof. The sun was
shining in the window and I could hear shouting from the other
room. He was hesitating, alternating between trying to get out the
window and put the cartridge in. Everything was so slow and beautiful, I could
feel the breeze from the street and all of the sounds of the cars and birds and voices
were so clear. He was sweating and I realized how handsome he was.
All of this was taking way too much time and although I didn’t
think they would harm me, it occurred to me that I couldn’t be sure.
I took the gun, he made it out the window, somehow I was able to
put the cartridge in. Fuck, we might have to kill people.
Just as he pulled me out the shooting began.
I didn’t see anything, I was not inside, but I have a
vivid image of it all the same. There was blood everywhere,
on the walls on the floor. People died. I didn’t know them really.
I decided to change my life that day, it lasted about five hours.

He never looked that handsome again.